Hats on! 10 of the best beanies for men

Warm ears means winter happiness. Make sure yours are nice and snug with a beanie (or bobble hat)

Highlights of Jordan: readers’ travel tips

World heritage sites Petra and Wadi Rum are obviously on the list, but our readers have also enjoyed the cafes of Amman, dramatic nature reserves and hiking to waterfalls – along with lashings of hummus

Winning tip: a stay in the Dana nature reserve

Book a night in one of the beautifully renovated rooms at Dana Hotel, with their whitewashed walls, modern bathrooms, comfy beds and amazing views. For dinner, ask the owner of the only restaurant in Dana village to whip you up a feast. There’s no menu: just trust him – he knows what he’s doing. Breakfast is on the hotel’s rooftop overlooking Dana valley. Once you’re done, walk through the tiny village and into the valley itself, in Jordan’s largest nature reserve: it’s a breathtaking landscape perfect for hardened hikers and relaxed ramblers alike. Heaven, and far from the tourist-bus trail.

• Doubles from £17 B&B (on Facebook)

Venetia Rainey

Wading up the Wadi Mujib river

Ninety minutes’ drive south of Amman, the Wadi Mujib river bursts through the harsh landscape (in the Mujib nature reserve) via a stunning gorge to enter the Dead Sea, one of the planet’s most sodium-rich bodies of water, at 420 metres below sea level. The concept of the expedition is simple: follow the river until you reach the impressive waterfall hidden within the canyon. Along the way you will be challenged by strengthening currents and increasingly complex and difficult rocks to boulder over (most are equipped with rails and ropes to help you). Apart from its breathtaking beauty, immersing yourself in the Wadi Mujib is a ferociously fun activity.
Eoghan Finn

A secret canyon hike

Not far from Madaba, alongside the King’s Highway, Wadi Hidan is a 4km canyon that can be traversed on pleasant half-day trip from Amman. A beautiful black basaltic gorge, it is interspersed with freshwater pools and exotic vegetation. The 9km hike is rewarded with a magnificent waterfall at the end. It is easily tackled independently, but great tours are offered by Tropical Desert, a local adventure tourism company. On the way back to Amman, stop in Haret Jdoudna in Madaba off King Tala St (+962 5324 8650, haretjdoudna.com) for one of the best meals you can have in Jordan.

Jose Martinez

Wadi Rum by camel

When T E Lawrence crossed Jordan’s desert, he found himself in a vast gorge, where red rock monoliths rose more than 800 metres around thin sandy corridors. Those who wish to follow in his footsteps and witness this incredible landscape can take camel treks from Wadi Rum with several local outfits; we used Bedouin Traditions Camp. The real treat is connecting with the culture of the Zalabia Bedouin, the descendants of those tribesmen who joined Lawrence in revolt. Eating lamb cooked slowly in a sand oven in the company of the Bedouin, camping out under the stars and watching the sun set makes the desert come alive.

Philippe Boström

Petra – a hike to Jabal Haroun

Leave Petra’s main trail behind, and try something different: hire a Bedouin guide, to take you to Jabal Haroun, one of Jordan’s holiest sites. This strenuous hike offers a journey through areas that many tourists never see. You’ll glimpse the lives of Bedouin families still living among the Nabatean tombs and caves. The views are extraordinary on this tranquil trail, the silence broken only by the calls of the Bedouin, the bells of their grazing livestock, and birdsong. The return journey from Qasr al-Bint will take about six hours, including a break for lunch and time to enjoy the views from the hilltop shrine. I used Hammad Bdoul (+962 7753 28253) who charged JOD150 (£170) for his services, which included a donkey and a basic picnic lunch. 

Caroline Evans

Darat al-Funun, Amman

Between the chaos of downtown Amman and the hipster cafes of Jabal Luweibdeh is my oasis, Darat Al Funun. Set in herb-scented gardens with fountains and overlooking the ancient Roman ruins of the citadel, this magical arts complex is a delight. You can walk through a sixth-century Byzantine church and a Roman temple while contemplating Amman’s rich histories. Its library is the place where Lawrence of Arabia wrote his memoirs; and on one of its rooftops the Palestinian space agency has satellite equipment. Darat al-Funin is free to enter, with a cafe run by Rumi, a very hip local restaurant.

tomhunter23

Top cafe/bookshop in Amman

books@cafe in Rainbow Street is a place to absorb the glorious diversity that still exists peacefully in Jordan. The place oozes bohemian charm and intellectual tolerance. The food and drinks are great value, but even if they weren’t, a visit is worth it, to appreciate books@cafe’s independent history and continued existence. Also, from the sweet-smelling bougainvillea-filled roof terrace, you get magical views of bustling city life and the magnificent Abu Darwish mosque. 

• booksatcafe.com

Binnyagogo

My favourite restaurants in Amman

Joz Hind in Jabal Weibdeh was founded and is run by an amazing Saudi/Italian woman I volunteered with. The cuisine is varied but rooted in the Middle East, and the business is run with a social conscience. If you are looking to satisfy sweet cravings with something other from baklava I’d suggest a visit to Sugar Daddy’s Bakery flagship store in the southern Abdoun district for beautifully designed cakes. A lot of locals and expats rave about Falafel al Quds on Rainbow St. I used to live a street down from here and noticed the occasional government and embassy car pulling up for a big order. The incongruously named Vinaigrette serves great sushi and has stunning views. The slightly dilapidated lower half of the building belies its sleek interior, with floor-to-ceiling windows and huge boats of quality sushi. Best at night.

Claire Elizabeth

Float like a local in the Dead Sea

Taxi drivers will attempt to bring you to expensive resorts geared for Western tourists. If you are interested in the floating experience without the extra frills of a resort, ask a local where they go. We were guided to a small beach with very cheap entrance fees, where we were the only foreigners. Obviously show some cultural sensitivity – you may have to wear T-shirt and shorts in the water rather than a swimsuit. We were floating alongside women in full burqas! My family of two adults and two young children were well-received – the children loved floating in the Dead Sea.

Erin Burnett

Lot’s Cave, Dead Sea

The main road alongside the Dead Sea passes the Dead Sea Museum, which calls itself the Lowest Point on Earth Museum. It has air conditioning, superb historical displays with English text, a shop, and nice, clean toilets. From here, take a gentle walk up to Lot’s Cave, which is still being excavated following the fairly recent discovery of an ancient Byzantine monastery. It is a rich archaeological site. And the view is outstanding.

paulruthwilliams56

Umm Qais, Roman town

In the north-west corner of Jordan, on the borders of Israel and Syria, with Saudi Arabia way over the hills, lies the Roman town of Umm Qais. Perched high on a plateau, this is a serene place, shared with the few tourists who venture this far. It has Roman columns aplenty, a wonderful die-straight street, and a magnificently sited restaurant for hummus with the best view in Jordan. The Golan Heights and the Sea of Galilee lie biblically in the hazy distance and, to the right, the hulking mountains of Syria, treeless, deserted and incredibly close. 

cathy666

Roman Jerash

Hadrian’s name and influence is far-reaching; however, as you enter the ancient city of Jerash through the spectacular Hadrian’s Arch you are offered a unique insight into what life in a Roman city must have been like. Easily accessible from Amman, this well-preserved ruin is often overlooked in favour of Jordan’s better-known attractions. Taking a guided tour helps you to visualise the past and you may even be lucky enough to be invited into your guide’s family home for coffee. From Amman, it’s a one-hour ride on a bus from North Station (about £1) or in a taxi (£45). Entrance is £5.50, tour guides £30.

smturner1985

Flight and holiday deals for Cyber Monday and Black Friday

Hotel discounts, flight offers and family holiday packages around Europe feature in our roundup of Black Friday and Cyber Monday savings

Emirates’ flight offers

Travellers can make big savings on economy flight fares with Emirates’ Black Friday fare sale, which includes return flights from Heathrow to Dubai from £299 and to Bangkok or Hong Kong for £399. The sale runs from 24 November-28 November and applies to travel dates from 1-9 December, 5 January to 29 March and 6 April to 30 June, with some variations. 

• emirates.com

YHA holidays

The Youth Hostels Association is offering 20% off accommodation at 22 of its properties, for bookings made on 25 November – for stays taken between 25 November and 23 December 2016. This means private rooms cost from £23 a night. Use the code FRIDAY-001 at check out. 

• yha.org.uk

Go Greek with Olympic Holidays

Travellers can book seven nights at the four-star Aegean Houses, Kos, Greece, from £399ppwith Olympic Holidays. The company’s Black Friday discount makes for a saving of £120 each. Departures are available on 13 May.
• olympicholidays.com

To Europe … with BMI

Airline BMI regional will be offering deals over the weekend, from 25-28 November, for travel in 2017. This includes flights from Southampton to Munich from £50 one-way; Bristol to Paris from £67 one-way, and Bristol to Milan from £87 one-way.
• bmiregional.com

Ideal for those looking to treat someone to a holiday, HF is running a buy-one-get-one-free offer on selected UK dates, which means the second person on a trip goes free. The offer includes four nights’ guided walking in the Lake District staying at Derwent Bank on 20 February, which will come to just £349 for two people. Book by 31 December 2016.
• hfholidays.co.uk

Busabout bus pass and camping trip offers

Hop-on hop-off European bus travel firm Busabout is offering 50% off its four-day camping package to one of Spain’s best known cultural festivals, La Tomatina. It is also offering big savings on various other trips, including 30% of a 12-day trip around northern Europe and 25% off its unlimited hop-on hop-off European buss pass. Offers are valid from 25-28 November. Check the trips for specific departure dates, but the Hop-on Hop-off pass is valid for 2017 travel, with departures begining on 1 May.
• busabout.com

Sail or cruise with G Adventures

Small group adventure travel company G Adventures is running a four-day sale from 25-28 November, which will include 35% off selected river cruises in India, the Mekong and Burgundy, 30% off select Thai sailing adventures, as well as trips to Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda and South Africa. There will also be 25% off on a range of other trips across South America and north Africa.
• gadventures.co.uk

Norwegian flights – to Europe and the US

Low-cost airline Norwegian will be offering 30% off all flights to more than 30 European destinations from Gatwick, Birmingham, Manchester and Edinburgh and 20% off all flights to the US from London. These savings are available on departures from 1 December 2016 to 25 March 2017 Customers should use the discount code BLACKFRIDAY16 when booking.
• norwegian.com

Eurocamp’s family offers

Holidaymakers receive up to 40% off holidays with Eurocamp’s sale from Black Friday to Cyber Monday. Trips for a family of four in a two-bedroom classic mobile home could work out at just £33 a night.
• eurocamp.co.uk

Week-long deals with Citalia

Italian holiday specialist Citalia is offering £50 off all bookings of seven nights or longer made from 25-28 November in its Black Friday sale.
• citalia.com

'Brooklyn is hipster Disneyland for some – but it has authenticity and heart'

Restaurateur Russell Norman watched Brooklyn change from industrial backwater to New York’s coolest borough – and took inspiration for his London restaurants

I spoke to friends in New York after the election, and they are still reeling. But the city, and particularly Brooklyn, seems to operate in a cultural and political bubble, which I hope will protect them from suggestions of wall-building and immigrant-expelling.

It was in the late 1990s that I wandered across the East river to Brooklyn. There was a really interesting culinary scene there, with individuals interested in esoteric, niche aspects of the food world. Because rents were low, they were able to open their tea shop, burrito place or oyster bar.

At the time there were only a few operators: Diner, close to Williamsburg bridge, and Marlow & Sons next door. I remember thinking where are their customers? But artists priced out of Manhattan were starting to colonise this part of Brooklyn, and an accelerated hipsterisation started around Broadway and Bedford Street. I returned every six months or so and there’d be dozens of new restaurants on the same street.

People say Brooklyn is a hipster Disneyland, but there’s enough authenticity and heart there to make it interesting. The same thing is happening in parts of east London. In Brooklyn, the Hasidic Jewish community has been there for generations and they look at what’s happening with bemusement at best, and resentment at worst. But that’s the way cities evolve and develop.

Four or five years ago Bushwick was a horrible suburb: I was going to a restaurant called Roberta’s and remember coming out of the subway and thinking I’d made a mistake. The place was a graffitied breeze block garage, but inside was a revelation. You hit this wall of good cheer and hospitality, great smells, and warmth, music and laughter. It’s a pizzeria but to call it that does it a disservice. It’s a genuine neighbourhood restaurant that has become a destination.

I asked for a mint tea in a bar one evening. “Is that a cocktail?” asked the bearded bartender. “No,” I said, “it’s just a tea.” He looked at me again. “OK, man, but is it like a thing?” It is at times like this that I realise we really are divided by a common language.

My favourite Brooklyn bar is Maison Premiere. It serves oysters and cocktails, but it’s one of those transporting places Brooklyn does so well – it feels like walking into New Orleans 100 years ago. The cocktails are made with such love and attention to detail. They have an array of antique glasses, so it’s unlikely you’ll drink from the same glass twice.

That New York aesthetic influenced my restaurants in London – Polpo and Spuntino – especially that feeling they’d been there for a century. They had that sense of a place that had achieved its patina through decades of feeding people. But they were all quite new businesses – I loved that sense of faded decrepitude.

The bookshop Spoonbill & Sugartown is not the sort of place you’d ask for the latest Dan Brown: they’d probably kick you out! It’s esoteric to say the least, and very independent. It feels like a library with rare art and architecture and design titles. A great place to lose yourself for an hour or so.

In spring, summer and autumn there’s a great Saturday food market at Williamsburg’s East river state park. Vendors serve wonderful food and the park looks across to Manhattan, so you have the most astonishing view of New York while you’re eating your burger or burrito.

But the best view in New York is from the Wythe hotel on the Brooklyn waterfront, which is very cool – and expensive – but you don’t need to stay here to use the roof bar, The Ides (as in The Ides of March). It faces due west, so the sun sets behind the Manhattan skyscrapers.

Brooklyn has already become an extension of downtown Manhattan. I think it’s actually bit cooler, though. There was a time when Manhattanites would talk condescendingly about out-of towners. The “bridge and tunnel crowd” invaded on Friday and Saturday nights, but the shoe’s on the other foot now, with a reverse migration from Manhattan to Brooklyn.

I love swimming at the Metropolitan Recreation Centre. It’s a beautiful pool in a huge red-brick building. with gorgeous green tiles on the walls and a full-length skylight so as you’re swimming you’re looking up at the sky.

Down by the water, you get a real sense of old Brooklyn. It’s still a port, with lots of cargo coming in, some ugly storage facilities and factories, and the original Brooklyn Brewery.

Near the bridge were a couple of pizzerias who were deadly rivals – Juliana’s and Grimaldi’s. Each claimed it was the original Brooklyn pizzeria: ‘‘Don’t believe what he says down the road.” One of them sold up recently. It was actually bought secretly by a member of the warring family, and then they lost the site and had to move to the next block but they’re still down there. The pizza is really good – these guys know what they’re cooking – but the stories behind the pizzerias are even more interesting. It’s like something out of a New York gangster movie.

What I wore this week: the party tux

Get in the party spirit – but leave the dress at home

I am not one of those women who doesn’t like party dresses. That is not what this column is about. I sometimes think I would quite like to be that type, because women who scoff at frocks seem terrifically sophisticated, compared with my irredeemably basic instinct to start swooning over black lace and velvet and cut-out shoulder details at the first whiff of mince pie season.

But even though I am a party dress person (if you opened my wardrobe before you met me, you would think I didn’t have a job) I don’t always want to wear a party dress to go out. There are some nights when a fancy frock feels absolutely right, as much an after-dark classic as a straight-up martini. Other nights, the idea of putting a dress on feels a bit office party. A bit Here Come The Girls after their pre-drinks in All Bar One. Not feeling that vibe so much.

And there are other nights when I’d be totally up for wearing a party dress, but the logistics aren’t right. The impact of what you wear to a party on how good a time you have (which is the whole point, obviously) is 1% about how you look and 99% about how you feel when you walk through the door. And I know that I will feel 10 times more glamorous arriving in a dressed-up day outfit and a normal handbag than I would wearing a proper frock but carting a lumpy tote bag stuffed with what I wore to work.

Tuxedo styling is the easiest way to turn trousers and a jacket into an evening look. If it’s dark and tailored with a satin stripe, it’s got after-dark attitude. It tends to work best with a bit of skin, but that doesn’t rule out a polo neck – just add a flash of ankle or a sleeve pushed up to the elbow. There is no fuss, but plenty of drama, thanks to the slight edge that you get from being a woman in mannish clothing – the pleasing unexpectedness of it.

I am not about to become the kind of killjoy who refuses to wear party dresses. But I can definitely see there is fun to be had without one.

'Sexist' government cuts ignore equality laws, says women's group

‘Gendered lens’ should be applied to tax and benefit changes to stop women from losing out, argues report

The leader of a coalition of women’s groups has accused the government of making sexist policies by failing to take into account the impact that budget cuts will have on equality.

On the eve of a new report detailing the impact of austerity on women, Vivienne Hayes, chief executive of the Women’s Resource Centre, said the government was not implementing its own equality laws and called for spending decisions to be assessed through a “gendered lens”.

It comes after new research claimed women will have shouldered 85% of the burden of changes to the tax and benefits system by 2020, with the poorest women the worst affected. “We could say that the government is behaving in a sexist way,” Hayes said. “It’s not just a little bit more, it’s a considerable amount more than what men are paying.”

A new report published under the auspices of A Fair Deal For Women – an umbrella group that includes Rape Crisis, Women’s Aid, the Fawcett Society, UK Feminista and Rights of Women, among others – details the impact of austerity policies on women’s economic, working and family lives.

The research has found that women in the UK continue to be underpaid compared with men and are more likely to rely on benefits to top up their income, and so are suffering more from rising housing costs, cuts to social security and insecure jobs.

Women still face systematic discrimination at work, it says, earning almost a fifth less than men, or £300,000 less over their lifetimes. One in five young women have been offered a job that pays less than the minimum wage, and one in nine mothers reported that they had been forced out of work after becoming pregnant.

At the same time, women continue to spend more time than men on household chores, raising children and engaging in unpaid care work.

The report calls on policymakers to recognise links between the UK’s comparatively high rate of child poverty and the poverty of mothers, who constitute 90% of single parents. Some 40% of poor children in the UK are being raised by lone parent mothers, while lone parents are estimated to lose £1,000 a year as a result of cuts to working tax credits.

“The thing is that there is never a connection made between the poverty of children and their mothers,” Hayes said. “So we need to start talking about child poverty in relation to parents’ poverty. Children don’t just live on their own, it’s not just their poverty; it’s actually their parents’ poverty and I think that there is a great gulf between the work done around child poverty and women.”

Above all, the report calls for a gendered approach to policy making. Hayes said: “I don’t see how else we are going to get a shift unless it’s done at the point of decision, because then we are just left trying to change things instead of the first implementation being adequate.

“The report shows that it’s already the most marginalised, impoverished women that are suffering the most. And of course, the other thing is, collect the taxes from the corporations and the wealthy.”

Itchy and scratchy – why the battle against head lice just got serious

Nits and lice don’t just infest children and getting rid of them can be hard work – especially with their growing resistance to pesticides. Now a whole new industry is growing up to offer hi-tech solutions to this itchy problem

This article will make you itch. I’m sorry. There’s no way round it. I’m pretty itchy myself, but that’s head lice for you. They warm themselves on Planet Scalp, sifting wisps with their antennae and, as the experts creepily put it, “taking a blood meal”. I have learned to recognise many types of itch since discovering two of the beasts in my hair. Some are a slow, creeping thaw on the head. Others, a fleeting tweak.

Between 8 and 10% of children in the UK are thought to have head lice at any one time and there are an estimated 6-12m cases a year in the US. But lice can also move from adult to adult. You might have hugged a colleague who has caught them from her children. They can ping from the static of a comb. Or maybe you tried on a hat in your lunch break, and a louse moved into its new home. Contrary to popular belief, there is no data to prove that men are less attractive to lice than women. Can you feel that tickle behind your ear yet?

Head lice have been around as long as humans. They have been picked, preserved, from Peruvian mummies, and pried from the teeth of a Roman soldier’s comb. Yet, despite our long acquaintance, humans know little about lice and what makes them tick. (On the bright side, they do know some lousy puns.) I call Community Hygiene Concern’s Bugbusters helpline. “I’ve combed my head obsessively, I’ve applied treatments, and still found only two lice and some unhatched eggs. How am I meant to know if I have caught them all?” As I speak, the colleagues either side of me stop typing. A few minutes later, they start scratching their heads.

If you don’t have lice, you can still catch delusional parasitosis – the mistaken belief that you are infested. One nit-removal professional told me that for weeks after she started her job she dreamed she was being chased by giant lice. They even infest your telecommunications: every time I text the word “love”, my phone autocorrects it to “lice”. Why, after centuries of medical advancement, have humans not found a way to eradicate them? Why are they so good at evading treatment? And is the anti-lice industry really doing all it could to help those of us at the ticklish end of the problem?

On a small parade between a post office and the Floor Crazy flooring shop in Woodford, Essex, is a salon that hopes to provide some of the answers to these questions. From the front, it is a smart beauty parlour. Through a door at the rear – so no one sees you enter – it’s a louse removal specialist. To calm the nerves, four candles burn in the corner of the room, but it is still a relief to be the only client.

Last year, Isma Javid, who owns this business, acquired the UK licence for a device called AirAllé, which claims to kill 99.3% of nits (the eggs) and 88.4% of the adult lice with a dehydrating heat treatment. Javid got the idea for her salon after watching Sarah Jessica Parker’s film I Don’t Know How She Does It, in which Parker’s character takes her kids to a lice treatment clinic.

Now Javid plans to open 100 locations – under the name Lice Clinics of the UK – in health centres, private medical practices, dermatologists’ and pharmacies. Who knows, before long, it might be possible to pop into Boots, take a seat, and be deloused. Her “2017 launch plan is massive”, she says. She has just opened branches in Athens and Saudi Arabia. The parent company operates in 32 countries.

It is easy to see the appeal of a technological solution to the louse problem. Scan any parenting forum on the subject and a host of desperate treatments emerge. Some folks slather mayonnaise on to the infested head; olive oil, coconut oil, vinegar. Some believe in electronic combs that beep upon execution, or use a vacuum to suck out the worst. Others apply heated straighteners, then stow bedding in the freezer to kill any off-head survivors. Some swear by dimethicone treatments. Others try them and curse.

Before the late 90s, life was simpler. As a teenager, head doused in pesticide and bowed over a magazine, I remember lice carcasses dropping with a plink on to the pages. But those days are gone. The lice have developed resistance; the pesticides are unreliable. The nit nurse is long gone and the government doesn’t care. And within this treatment vacuum, a whole industry is thriving. The makers of the AirAllé estimate a $3bn global market. It costs between £100 and £199 to be treated at Javid’s salon (though it’s half price for those in receipt of benefits and she plans to reduce the fee as the business becomes established). A host of lice treatment accessories have appeared, from lice-repellent hairclips to the Lice Combflicker, which promises to clean your lice comb better than dental floss.

The lo-fi, low-cost answer is a comb. But the effort exhausts some carers. Every strand on an infected person’s head must be combed (most people have between 100,000 and 150,000 hairs). According to the charity Community Hygiene Concern, wet hair, slathered in conditioner, renders lice immobile, allowing them to be combed out. The tip of the comb’s teeth must be held against the scalp, then drawn through the hair. Any gap between the teeth and the scalp at the start is an escape route for a louse.

To comb a mid-length head of hair takes about an hour and a half (or that’s how long it takes me), and all family members should be combed on the same day to avoid cross-contamination. In my case, that’s about five hours of combing. It takes a relationship to a whole new level to spend an evening delousing. Lice punish the conscientious. But with practice comes expertise. In time, you will comb a head in 30 minutes. In the US, there are hundreds of clinics that offer a one-stop comb-out, many of them launched by mums who found that their own tenacity was the most reliable solution. It’s a whole new cottage industry.

Javid has spent the past year on a world tour of lice. In India, she found people treating then with a pill; in Nigeria, she saw heads being shaved; in some countries kerosene was applied to the scalp and children left out in the sun. “But there’s so much contradictory information out there. I’m not an expert,” she says, scratching her head. (Her assistants, Natalie and Myna, also scratch their heads continuously – itching is a hazard of the job.) “But I’ve talked to experts, and everyone talks about something different.”

“Everyone’s got the best answer,” agrees Ian Burgess, director of Insect Research & Development Ltd. “No one really knows the answer – but quite a lot of people think they do.” Meanwhile, Javid’s colleague Natalie quietly lays a disposable sheet over a white leather chair. “That’s where you’re going to sit,” she says. “Do you want to try it now?” She is pulling on pink plastic gloves.

John Clark has been studying lice for around 16 years. He has lived with them day and night. For two years, he and his colleagues at the University of Massachusetts wore a small plastic pillbox containing a few tufts of hair and up to 50 lice, taped to their legs, to keep them alive. “They were happy. We weren’t.” A few months ago, the research proved that in some regions of the US, head lice had mutated and developed knockdown resistance to pesticides. These findings, however, came as no surprise to Clark. “We’d seen it many times in agricultural insects,” he says, which is why he dislikes the phrase “super lice”: for Clark, they are only doing what lots of creatures have done before.

But still the research was necessary – “to show why the current over-the-counter products were not working very well” – and still treatments that have been found to be no longer efficacious remain on the market. Brands have evolved, developed new lines, making it hard for consumers to know which to trust. Nix, for instance, was the first over-the-counter product in the US, and it was, Clark says, “almost 100% effective between its launch [in 1992] and 2000, when lice began to develop resistance … But by 2014 a study found that the Nix product had become 25% as effective as when it first came on the market.” And yet Nix and others continue to be marketed as a treatment for head lice.

In Europe, head lice treatments are categorised as class 1 medical products. “They can be sold in general stores, and they self-certify that the device meets the regulatory requirements,” Joanna Ibarra of Community Hygiene Concern explains. No independent assessment is required. In this context, it is not surprising that so many products fail to work on so many people.

For years, the sale of treatments has been characterised by the willingness of companies to market products that did not work well, and of government agencies to overlook, defend or support those claims. In the last few years, new products have finally come to market in the US, bringing what Clark refers to as “resistance management”. In short, with multiple effective treatments on offer, lice’s resistance can be sidestepped. But there is another problem. While many over-the-counter products are ineffective, most of the new products, such as Sklice and Natroba, are prescription drugs. And, as Clark says, “a lot of insurance companies won’t cover the cost”.

Are lice really the problem here?

“No,” Clark says. “Lice are like many insects, nothing really special.”

So why can’t we just eradicate them?

“Short of getting every human being in the country and either shaving them or treating them at the same time …” Ian Burgess trails off. “But as soon as the hair grows back and they come into contact with someone from outside, bingo! You are never going to get a sufficiently concerted effort to get rid of them from one place. You’d have to put up a fortress around the country.”

And yet some people are less susceptible to lice than others. From time to time, Burgess is helped in the lab by his wife. Occasionally, a lice flicks into her hair. She feels it moving. But each time Burgess tracks down a louse in her hair and removes it, he finds the creature “pale and emaciated. They’d rather starve to death than feed off her. Ah, if we could put it into tins …” he sighs.

This is where research interest is now focusing: on the race to bring to market a deterrent that is proven to work in clinical trial. Clark is busy cloning lice odour receptors in order to investigate whether certain smells act as a deterrent. But while there is plenty of evidence that some do – lavender, tea tree, cinnamon – it is not enough to see a louse crawl away from some malodorous drops in a petri dish. What would it do in the field? Is there a scent so repellent that a louse would forgo the safety of a human hair for the long drop to the floor and almost certain desiccation?

At last I take my seat in the white leather chair, while Natalie clips up my hair to check if my home treatments have worked – I applied Nyda, a dimethicone treatment that works on the basis of suffocation rather than poison, and followed up with a thorough comb. I am feeling nervous. But finally she lays aside the comb and says: “There’s literally nothing at all. No eggs. Nothing.” I wish my desk neighbours could hear.

Javid sends me away with some anti-lice products and an information sheet in a bag-for life. I feel hugely relieved. I walk along, swinging my Lice Clinics of the UK cotton carrier. On the tube, I seem to have plenty of space. I feel liberated. I pass a museum, and pop in. The security guy asks to perform a bag check and I open up my carrier. “Ah,” he says, staring at all the bottles printed with “Lice”. For a moment I think he is going to refuse me entry, but he pulls out Javid’s identification sheet. “I have these,” he says, pointing. “Bed bugs.”

See? Lice are just a normal human problem. I almost give him a hug.